Ryan Janz

My name is Ryan Janz and I live in Anytown, USA. I have chosen not to include my photo in my profile at this time in the abject fear I will be recognized and therefore mobbed by crazed fans. For example, let's say I do post my picture, and let's also say I'm walking my dog down my friendly neighborhood street, you know, Main Street, and as a result the unthinkable occurs:

1. I am breathlessly asked by a passing neighbor to autograph my wonderful novel, The Desperation of Harry, or I'm pretty sure that's what he said.
2. My neighbor doesn't have the book with him, or as he put it, "I've never heard of your stupid piece of trash, and you frighten me." 
3. I offer him a copy that I happen to be carrying in my wheelbarrow. 
4. My neighbor is hesitant in believing I wrote the book.
5. I produce my driver's license for proof of my authorship, careful to place my thumb over my picture because I do not wish to be recognized and subsequently mobbed by crazed fans.
6. My neighbor threatens to call the police.
7. My dog insists we hastily return home, and as we do, I lower my baseball cap across my face because I do not wish to be recognized and ... etc.
8. I hear police sirens and as I hide below the trap door in my basement my dog decides to move out.
9. While living in a room below my basement and perusing a handy book containing chock full of fun survival techniques, it occurs to me that I don't own a dog.
10. Having read how baked rat can easily be transformed into a healthy snack while overthrowing the government, I hear a dog howling in the distance, reminding me it's time once again to collect my wheelbarrow and join my best friend for a pleasant walk down Main Street, USA.